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| It’s a different thing, standing on a balcony watching wasted opportunity go by in the form of a possible lover, feeling like a useless contestant in a fight over righteousness. Righteousness that doesn’t concern you more than the need for two warm bodies to share a sensuous moment, a thought of your own. And then you try to find shame, but there’s none. Anger, lust and disappointment beseech you, an experience you must endure until you find the right answers. You begin by justifying your emotions, revisiting your motives in a previous state of mind. I only wanted him to take me as I am, joining me in a quest for the mercy of love. This was my excuse for the thought of seducing one of God’s angels. This is what I told myself while I plotted, and schemed and lied to bring him to me. I wanted to feel what God feels, the undying love of his most faithful servants. I close my eyes, cover my mouth with my hands and wave my head with embarrassment, God still loves me…This is my crime! He is a Reverend, a Priest, a Man of the Cloth, tall in character and beautiful in heart. I’m…I’m a call girl with only one thing in mind, sex. And I desired his innocence. I had met him once, but obviously not under the circumstances which I wanted. So I did it. I made a plan to seduce him. To make his heart yearn for me. To make him ask God why, why must he be human and experience the temptations of mankind? And then I did it. I just did it. I slipped into lust like a favorite pair of jeans, comfortable and provocative in every way. |
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